innocent crushez

Remember when we were kids and all fucking innocent, we used to have cute lil’ crushes which usually never developed into something but we look back on it now all nostalgically?

Let me tell you a story about a hot boy I had a crush on  in college for years and finally became friends and that “crush” got semi creepy. I don’t remember when I first saw him but I remember being low key obsessed with him. My entire friend group made up of me, Tiffany, Nick and Joseph were all obsessed with him. I remember when I was abroad in Germany and would text them pictures of his new facebook profile and gushing about how hot he was or getting really bad FOMO when they met him at a party at a mutual friend’s house. Of course freaking Nick embarrassed all of us when I was abroad by saying something to this hottie along the lines of “dude, you’re so cool” when he was drunk and stumbling away. Anyways, fast forward to the second semester of my senior year, I was very good friends with some of the hottie’s good friends. I BEFRIENDED HIM. HE KNEW MY NAME. WE EXCHANGED DIGITS. At this point, all the jokes I’ve made about him or wanting to be with him seems SO CREEPY.

It’s like this soccer player that was older than me that I would call my hubby as a total joke then I hung out with him when I was visiting some friends in Boston like years after.

It’s so funny because they are not in on it and there is some separation of reality and your joke world. But once that person is no longer a humorous entity but a friend irl and your real life/fantasy collides, do you stop joking about it?

Anyways, I am friends with this hottie and have repeatedly told my friends I will NEVER EVER pursue him as more than that because I want him to remain the perfect crush in  my mind. Getting into bed with him would distort the innocently perfect idea I have of him. And a part of me wants to just keep it that way: the perfect hot boy who is effortlessly cool.

On the other hand, do you ever address the fact that you would talk about them before you knew them? I feel like it could either break or strengthen the friendship… But who knows, maybe one day when I’m super drunk I will.


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